My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
