How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
