If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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