You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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