The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
