You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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