I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
