I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
