he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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