I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
