I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
