And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
