i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
