a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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