Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is the high leading the old right now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
