the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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