Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
