if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize