Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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