guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
