Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize