I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
