So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
