i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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