How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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