i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
