btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
