DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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