He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
