Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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