So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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