5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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