If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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