Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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