Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
