So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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