Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
