Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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