There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
