2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
