saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
