walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
