my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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