no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
