It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
