my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
