I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize