you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
