some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
