he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
