just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
