my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
