Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize