i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
