My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
