He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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