Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
