OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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