these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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