Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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