Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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