i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize