Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
