She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
