he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
