grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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