i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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