how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
