If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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