It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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