I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
