Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
