remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
