bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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