Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
