And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize