I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
