so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
