he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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