he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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