All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
