Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
