Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
