I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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