Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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