i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
