Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
