my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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