bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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