i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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