i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think pants incapable of making pants work
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
