Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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