I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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