Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
