I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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