i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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